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mom

Written 8:33 a.m. Saturday, Nov. 25
This has been the hardest thing ever. It's sad to watch mom die. Knowing there's nothing you can do.
I feel better about how my dad is physically. It's helped that he doesn't move her around much every day. There's some comfort in that.
Donna has not handled this well. Ashton not so much either. Jenna is scared. Of course she is, she's only 4.
Me?
Well...I hate it. I hate seeing my mom suffer.
She tells me she's not in pain. I guess I believe her. But I know her.
She'd tell me that so I wouldn't worry.
We're going home tonight.
I have mixed feelings about it.
I think Dad needs some time alone with her these last few days. Not that we don't need to be here, but it's hectic in a house with 6 people, including an 8 and 4 year old. Mom needs quiet. Dad needs quiet.
We've done all we can for mom. It's a waiting game now.
How long?
Days, my friends, days.
Sometimes it seems so impersonal to type this and not tell people my emotions. But I do.
Donna and I talked a long time last night. It was good.
I told mom yesterday that we'll be okay and for her to just rest.
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I told her this morning that she's been a good mom.
She said, "For how long?"
I told her, "For a little more than 40 years. Well, minus a few days here and there."
I bet she smiled on the inside.
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I asked dad yesterday if he was gonna talk to me on the phone every day like mom always has. He doesn't think he can handle that. lol...
I know when I leave today that I may not get to talk to her again. May not hear her voice again. I hope she can at least listen to me on the phone and say something.
Dang, that makes me want to stay.
I hope she's still here next weekend when I come back.
I love her.
Written 11:30 p.m. Wednesday, Nov. 22
Mom is sad. Mom cries. Mom gets a pill to stop the crying.
Mom can’t do anything for herself. She can’t move except for some movement in her right arm and hand and her head, she can’t remember (short-term), she can barely eat.She can’t hold the phone to talk on it. It’s tough. Dad does it all.
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My mom is a lot worse than when I was here two weeks ago.
She went downhill quick.
I fed her today.
Fed her a sandwich that she only ate about ¼ of.
She had a napkin in her hand and if I took too long to feed her, she tried to eat the napkin. Sad.
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She told me that she’s gonna miss us. She cried when she said that.
Donna cried when she saw her. Jenna was a little afraid. Didn’t know what to think.
Ashton came to the other part of the house after seeing mom and said, “Diddie’s (that’s what they call her cause Ashton couldn’t say Grannie) bad. It makes me sad.”
She was bawling when she said it. I held her for a few minutes. I rubbed her back and told her “I know, sweetie, I know.” Making me cry now.
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I emailed some of my friends today. Told them I don’t think mom is gonna make it much longer. I said I thought it’d be a few weeks. Today, I’m not so sure.
I’m not sure I should put all this on such a public place, but it’s therapeutic for me. I don’t mind sharing my feelings.
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My mom was in her chair when we got here. She doesn’t need to be. She needs to be in her bed that Hospice brought her. She’d be more comfortable. If that’s possible. I don’t know how any position can be comfortable.
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Mom should be having headaches, but she’s not. She could be having seizures, but she’s only had a few and medication seems to be controlling that. Her blood pressure should be lower, but it’s not. She has some textbook symptoms, then doesn’t have some that she should have. Different things for different people I guess.
It’s hard to put a timeline on things. You kind of want to know how much more time she’s got, but you just have to make the most of each opportunity you have.
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If she wants to cry, let her cry a little bit. It’s okay. It’s okay if we cry a little bit in front of her. She should see us sad. We should see her sad.
I don’t know how much more I want the kids to have to see her in such a sad mood, but I’m not gonna shelter them. I want her to know they are there.
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I can’t get out of my head that my mom’s mom died the day after Thanksgiving. Died peacefully. Fell back on her bed with her crochet still in her lap. No long illness like my mom.
I think my mom will make it past Friday, but who knows. Well, someone knows.
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Sorry for the rambling.

american music awards

Dang, I'm behind. I had to rewind the Tivo to catch the beginning.
I'm glad I did.
Beyonce is opening. Sure looks windy on stage. Good thing her dress is tight.
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Jay-Z is in the audience. He ain't the most handsome fella in the world.
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Carrie Underwood is a cutie.
I like "Before he cheats."
Niiiiiiiceeee.
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Wonder if Tiggs is bloggin' this????
Doesn't look like it. Dang....
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cooll. Britney Spears giving out the first award. That was a funny skit about K-Fed. Almost as funny as him wearing a pig nose on CSI.
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PCD...hmmm...no comment. They're a little freaky looking. I like listening to their music when I'm running.
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Josh Groban performs some of his shizz....ugh...Yawn.
Is this really pop music?
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ughhhhhh....

It's getting tough for my mom. She had a couple of really bad days Sunday and Monday.
Not gonna give the details on it, just know that the things we were told would happen as the tumor grew, are happening.
It's a roller coaster ride. You know things are gonna happen, just don't know how scary they're gonna be when they do.
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My running club meeting Monday night was interrupted by a phone call from Donna. She told me I needed to call my dad cause mom thought I knew she had a bad day and that I was on the way to their house. I wasn't, but they couldn't convince her otherwise.
Dad was pretty upset when I talked to him on the phone and mom was in tears when I talked to her.
She cried again tonight when I talked to her.
It's not easy. It's tough every day.

football

Geeez...the Longhorns messed up their chance. No matter that freshman QB Colt McCoy got hurt on the game’s first touchdown and missed the rest of the game, the Horns had no business losing to K-State.
Things snowballed against them in the third quarter as K-State went up 42-21 before UT rallied, eventually getting it down to 45-42 with under two minutes to play. Too little, too late.
The Horns’ shot at a title game, on a Saturday that Auburn and Cal lost, is now gone.
EQ’s rankings:

1. Ohio State 11-0
2. Michigan 11-0
3. USC 8-1
4. Florida 9-1
5. Arkansas 9-1
6. Notre Dame 9-1
7. Rutgers 9-0
8. Wisconsin 10-1
9. Louisville 8-1
10. West Virginia 8-1
11. Texas
12. LSU
13. Wake Forest
14. Auburn
15. Cal
16. Boise State
17. Ga. Tech
18. ahhh…who cares after this point.

USC has a good shot at the title game against the Michigan-OSU winner, but still has Notre Dame and UCLA on the schedule. A Notre Dame win over USC and a loss by Florida could vault the Irish into a title game. Really? Maybe. They did get pounded by Michigan. In South Bend.

Rutgers?
Florida and Arkansas may be the front runners by winning out.
My pick?
I have no idea.
After yesterday, it’s anybody’s guess. I ain’t going there.
Well…..nahhhhh.
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What the heck? The announcer just called David Carr “Superman.” Really? Seriously? Is he drunk? David Carr ain’t Superman.
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A segment on one of the pregame shows talked about how well Philadelphia plays after a bye week. They were off last week and host the Redskins today. They are 7-0 after bye weeks under head coach Andy Reid.
Last year after the bye week the Eagles defeated San Diego 20-17. The Eagles were down 17-13 in the final minutes of the game and blocked a Chargers’ field goal. The ball was picked up and returned 65 yards for a touchdown, giving the Eagles the win.
Philly was 4-2 after that win, but lost four straight after that and 8 of their last 10 to finish 6-10. All the talk this morning was how the Eagles were about to turn their season around. Well, they beat the Redskins, but we’ll see how they do. I hope not well.
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The Texans had to finish the game without Superman, but somehow held off the Jags 13-10. Last four weeks: beat the Jags 27-7, lost to Tennessee 28-22, lost to the Giants 14-10, and beat the Jags today.
The Texans need to figure out a way to schedule the Jags more often.
The win keeps them 6 back of the first-place Colts in the AFC South with 7 games remaining.
Mario Williams had one tackle.
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I’m getting a little tired of TO dropping passes. Jason Witten doesn’t.
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The San Diego-Cincy game should’ve been on tonight or tomorrow night. Dang, 49-41 Chargers. I love LT. Especially since he’s on my fantasy team.
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